I had a very odd night last night. There are so many things to say and too much to say about all of those different things. Hide yo kids Hide yo wife. On the one hand I had a really nice time hanging out with this girl who is getting her masters with Charlie at TWU. We bonded over not liking true blood. It was nice just having fun with someone. I guess I am just trying to sort out my brain. Not in weird way but in a very wow I can make friends on my own still kind of way and this is fun and I don’t feel awkward or nervous like I usually feel. Jackie came over to Charlie’s and threw everyone’s mood off so of course I picked a fight with her about it. It sucks feeling like you can’t say everything that you really want to say. Like I am censoring myself because of who might read this and then it makes me feel like blogging is so vain. But writing helps me sort my brain out most of the time and it allows friends or strangers to give you advice too kind of. That was not a plea for advice though. I just wish I could move our therapy session up sooner than Saturday. Jackie asked me what I wanted and I told her I don’t know. Because I don’t. I am defiantly in love with her still but also disenchanted with the same old story and insecurity masquerading as cocky attitude and the jealousy is at a clinical level I think. She lacks control which is a component of OCD and so I understand that to a fault I guess. And I make too many allowances. Cuz I feel like its not her fault due to it being hard to control compulsion when you are in the throws of anxiety. I have fallen victim to it as well with cutting or degrees of stalking. I guess my chickens are coming home to roost. Its just so much more complicated than it used to be, I wonder if I even really know how to be in a relationship and work through issues. It is almost impossible for me to communicate unless it is through writing. How juvenile is that??? Let me write you letter or message so that you know how I feel stink stink stinky. I had a pretty good weekend except for Sunday night. I actually feel like I can breath better after having written this even if it is scattered and cryptic.